Q: How do you keep a Jayhawk out of your yard?
A: Put up a goal post!
Q: Did you hear about the big power outage at the KU student union?
A: Forty Jayhawks were stuck on the escalator for 3 hours.
Q: What are the best 4 years of a KU student's life?
A: The 3rd Grade.
Q: What do you get if you breed a groundhog with a KU football player?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.
Q: What do you get if you drive by the KU campus real slow?
A: A degree.
Q: Did you hear they've decided to cover the field at KU's Memorial Stadium with cardboard next season?
A: People at KU have decided that their team always looks better on paper.
Q: How do you get a KU graduate off your porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Q: Why do KU students hang their diplomas from their rearview mirrors?
A: So they can park in the handicapped spot.
Q: Why doesn't KU have ice on the sidelines?
A: The guy with the recipe graduated.
Q: How many KU freshmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore class.
Q: What do you call a person from KU in a three piece suit?
A: The defendant.
Q: What's the difference between a litter of puppies and KU fans?
A: Eventually puppies grow up and stop whining.
Q: What does the average KU football player get on his SAT's?
A: Drool.
Q: What happens when a KU grad takes Viagra?
A: He gets taller.
Q: Why don't KU grads use 911 in an emergency?
A: Because they can't find "eleven" on the phone dial.
Q: Why was KU late for so many games last year?
A: Every time they passed a sign that said "Clean Restrooms", they did.
Q: Why did they have to cancel the Christmas play at KU last year?
A: They couldn't find 3 wise men and a virgin.
Q: What is the difference between a KU cheerleader and a catfish?
A: One has whiskers and smells, the other is a fish.
Q: Did you hear that KU has found a new use for sheep?
A: Wool.
Q: What do KU cheerleaders and tornadoes have in common?
A: Both end up in trailer parks.
Q: What's the difference between a KU bar and a circus?
A: The clowns don't talk at the circus.
Q: How do you keep a KU girl from biting her nails?
A: Make her wear shoes.
Q: Did you hear about the KU athlete that won a Gold Medal in the Olympics?
A: He was so happy, he had it bronzed.
Q: What's the most useless thing in a KU fan's house?
A: The KU fan.
Q: How do you run a small business?
A: Start with a large business and put a KU grad in charge.
Q: How do you break a KU grad's finger?
A: Punch him in the nose.
Q: What's the difference between a KU cheerleader and a heifer?
A: About 30 pounds.
Q: What do you call a KU fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
11.05.2009
11.03.2009
The Historical Origins of the "Jayhawk"
The "jay hawk" was actually the 2nd choice for the University of Kansas' mascot.
The first choice, while also a fictional bird, was more of a nod to the region's evolving biological diversity.
Newly arriving settlers to the Kansas Territories were often amazed at the abundance of what we refer to today as "barn swallows", so much so that the area of what is today east-central Kansas was commonly referred to as "swallow country". As more and more settlers moved to the area, so did their livestock, influencing the overall makeup of the region's animal population. One settler of the time described this integration of the native and domesticated as "a rainbow of diversity, with a flag of waving wheat and the song of the swallow and the crow of the rooster its anthem."
University of Kansas founders were taken by this description of Kansas and thought a representation of this sentiment would be a good emblem for the University. So it was decided that the convergence of the rooster and swallow would from that point on represent the University of Kansas.
They would forever be known as the Kansas Swallowcocks.
Unfortunately, the name wasn't greeted with the enthusiastic acceptance that university founders had hoped. Many inverted the name and called them Cockswallows, or in the native vernacular, "cock swallers". Others became concerned over the origins of the mascot, fearing a literal union of a cock and a swallow had indeed taken place. Still others feared the mascot may be interpreted metaphorically in some way as an abomination to God.
However, the ultimate insult came when it was discovered that the much-celebrated swallows were not swallows at all, but merely common blue jays, a mistake that in retrospect seems absurdly incomprehensible. Despite the obvious mis-identification, raging debates ensued between university founders and the common, uneducated settlers. Fearing alienation and widespread public backlash, university founders backed off their position and conceded that the grandiose swallow upon which they had pinned their identity was, in fact, merely the common blue jay.
In the end, a compromise was agreed upon. At the suggestion of town elders it was decided that a virtual synonym of "swallow cock" would be the official mascot of the university, and the "jayhawk" was adopted.
Even though the modern-era mascot bears little resemblance to the founders' original selection, it still strongly represents their vision for the university and the Lawrence as a whole.
What today is called a jayhawk, is still clearly a rainbow-flag waving, cock-swallowing, beacon of ignorance and ironic arrogance.
-------------------------------------------
This history lesson was originally taught in September but given the nature of this week, I think it should be re-published.
The first choice, while also a fictional bird, was more of a nod to the region's evolving biological diversity.
Newly arriving settlers to the Kansas Territories were often amazed at the abundance of what we refer to today as "barn swallows", so much so that the area of what is today east-central Kansas was commonly referred to as "swallow country". As more and more settlers moved to the area, so did their livestock, influencing the overall makeup of the region's animal population. One settler of the time described this integration of the native and domesticated as "a rainbow of diversity, with a flag of waving wheat and the song of the swallow and the crow of the rooster its anthem."
University of Kansas founders were taken by this description of Kansas and thought a representation of this sentiment would be a good emblem for the University. So it was decided that the convergence of the rooster and swallow would from that point on represent the University of Kansas.
They would forever be known as the Kansas Swallowcocks.
Unfortunately, the name wasn't greeted with the enthusiastic acceptance that university founders had hoped. Many inverted the name and called them Cockswallows, or in the native vernacular, "cock swallers". Others became concerned over the origins of the mascot, fearing a literal union of a cock and a swallow had indeed taken place. Still others feared the mascot may be interpreted metaphorically in some way as an abomination to God.
However, the ultimate insult came when it was discovered that the much-celebrated swallows were not swallows at all, but merely common blue jays, a mistake that in retrospect seems absurdly incomprehensible. Despite the obvious mis-identification, raging debates ensued between university founders and the common, uneducated settlers. Fearing alienation and widespread public backlash, university founders backed off their position and conceded that the grandiose swallow upon which they had pinned their identity was, in fact, merely the common blue jay.
In the end, a compromise was agreed upon. At the suggestion of town elders it was decided that a virtual synonym of "swallow cock" would be the official mascot of the university, and the "jayhawk" was adopted.
Even though the modern-era mascot bears little resemblance to the founders' original selection, it still strongly represents their vision for the university and the Lawrence as a whole.
What today is called a jayhawk, is still clearly a rainbow-flag waving, cock-swallowing, beacon of ignorance and ironic arrogance.
-------------------------------------------
This history lesson was originally taught in September but given the nature of this week, I think it should be re-published.
I once knew a Jayhawk fan that was so stupid...
1. He called me to get my phone number.
2. He spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
3. He put lipstick on his forehead because he wanted to make up his mind.
4. He tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
5. He sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
6. He tried to drown a fish.
7. He thought a quarterback was a refund.
8. He got locked in a grocery store and almost starved to death.
9. He tripped over a cordless phone.
10. He took a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
11. He asked for a price check at the dollar store.
12. He studied for a blood test.
13. He thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
14. When he heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, he moved.
15. When he missed the 44 bus, he took the 22 bus twice instead.
16. When he took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" he turned around and went home.
17. He cheered for the Jayhawks every Saturday...
2. He spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
3. He put lipstick on his forehead because he wanted to make up his mind.
4. He tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
5. He sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
6. He tried to drown a fish.
7. He thought a quarterback was a refund.
8. He got locked in a grocery store and almost starved to death.
9. He tripped over a cordless phone.
10. He took a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
11. He asked for a price check at the dollar store.
12. He studied for a blood test.
13. He thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
14. When he heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, he moved.
15. When he missed the 44 bus, he took the 22 bus twice instead.
16. When he took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" he turned around and went home.
17. He cheered for the Jayhawks every Saturday...
11.02.2009
101 Ways to Cook Chicken(hawks)
If you're looking for ways to spice up your tailgate party this weekend -- because we all know that there is never too many ways to cook a Chicken Hawk -- try one of these recipes. They can all be found here: COOKS.com.
After you've tried one of these you can go to the game and see how Bill Snyder does it!
1. SOUTHERN FRIED CHICKEN
2. SPICY CHICKEN WITH GINGERSNAP GRAVY
3. CRUNCHY COATINGS
4. HERB OR SPICY FRIED CHICKEN
5. FRIED CHICKEN WITH ORANGE GLAZE
6. PUNGENT ORANGE GLAZE
7. CHICKEN AND ONION RINGS
8. DELHI CHICKEN
9. CHICKEN ALMONDINE
10. CHICKEN RIVIERA
11. SHENANDOAH SPAGHETTI
12. PAN FRIED CHICKEN
13. CHICKEN EDEN
14. CHICKEN 'N YAMS
15. TOMATO-MUSHROOM GRAVY
16. CHICKEN AND APPLE RINGS
17. CALICO GRAVY FOR FRIED CHICKEN
18. BATTER FRIED CHICKEN
19. GRANDMA'S CHICKEN
20. CARAWAY
21. PLANTATION SPECIAL
22. SPICY PLANTATION SPECIAL
23. NUTTY CHICKEN
24. GLORY FRIES
25. ROSY HARVEST
26. DEEP FRIED CHICKEN
27. BROWNED CHICKEN FRICASSEE
28. BRUNSWICK STEW
29. HORSERADISH SAUCE
30. WITH MUSHROOMS
31. OVEN FRIED CHICKEN FOR A CROWD
32. OVEN BAKED CHICKEN FOR A CROWD
33. BROILED CHICKEN
34. JELLY GLAZED
35. PAPRIKA BROILED
36. DEVILED
37. GARLIC-OREGANO
38. PARMESAN BROILED CHICKEN
39. CHERRY OR GRAPE SAUCE
40. ROAST CHICKEN
41. TRAVELER'S CHICKEN
42. SOUTHLANDER'S RICE
43. CHICKEN IN THE GARDEN
44. CHICKEN YOGURT
45. SUNNY YAM SKILLET
46. YAM NUGGETS
47. IRISH NUGGETS
48. COUNTRY GARDEN CHICKEN
49. SKILLET SANDWICH
50. TOMATO CHICKETTI
51. SKILLET CHICKEN a la KING
52. SKILLET BARBECUED CHICKEN
53. QUICK BARBECUE SAUCE
54. BELL RINGER
55. CHICKEN LIVERS SAUTE
56. CHICKEN PANCAKES
57. SKILLET CHICKEN HASH
58. CHICKEN FRITTERS
59. SKILLET PIES
60. CHICKEN SAUTE WITH NEW POTATOES
61. CAROLINA CHICKEN
62. COUNTRY KETTLE
63. CHICKEN ROSEMARY
64. CHICKEN SCRAPPLE
65. CHICKEN BRAZILIA
66. CHICKEN-MAC SAUTE
67. CHICKEN LOGS (CROQUETTES)
68. COUNTRY CAPTAIN
69. AUNT SALLY'S SPECIAL
70. GALA CHICKEN NEWBURG
71. SPICED CHICKEN
72. CHICKEN DIVINE
73. LOUISIANA MEDLEY
74. CREOLE CHICKEN GUMBO
75. CHICKEN ROLLETTES
76. CHICKEN JAMBALAYA
77. CHICKEN SALAD - COLD OR HOT
78. CHICKEN DELAWARE
79. CHICKEN PILAF
80. FRIED CHICKEN ORIENTAL
81. FRUITED CHICKEN
82. HONEY-SOY BARBECUE SAUCE
83. EGGS FOO YONG
84. CHICKEN CURRY
85. CHICKEN WALNUT
86. SWEET 'N SOUR CHICKEN
87. NIWATORI SUKIYAKI
88. CHOP SUEY
89. PINEAPPLE SPICED CHICKEN
Variation of this recipe
90. ALOHA ALOHA
91. CHICKEN PAELLA
92. ARROZ CON POLLO
93. CHICKEN TETRAZZINI
94. CHICKEN CACCIATORE
95. CHICKEN CAPERS
96. CHICKEN OREGANO
97. COQ AU VIN
98. CHICKEN MARENGO
99. CHICKEN TARRAGON
100. SESAME FRIED CHICKEN
101. MEXICAN CHICKEN
After you've tried one of these you can go to the game and see how Bill Snyder does it!
1. SOUTHERN FRIED CHICKEN
2. SPICY CHICKEN WITH GINGERSNAP GRAVY
3. CRUNCHY COATINGS
4. HERB OR SPICY FRIED CHICKEN
5. FRIED CHICKEN WITH ORANGE GLAZE
6. PUNGENT ORANGE GLAZE
7. CHICKEN AND ONION RINGS
8. DELHI CHICKEN
9. CHICKEN ALMONDINE
10. CHICKEN RIVIERA
11. SHENANDOAH SPAGHETTI
12. PAN FRIED CHICKEN
13. CHICKEN EDEN
14. CHICKEN 'N YAMS
15. TOMATO-MUSHROOM GRAVY
16. CHICKEN AND APPLE RINGS
17. CALICO GRAVY FOR FRIED CHICKEN
18. BATTER FRIED CHICKEN
19. GRANDMA'S CHICKEN
20. CARAWAY
21. PLANTATION SPECIAL
22. SPICY PLANTATION SPECIAL
23. NUTTY CHICKEN
24. GLORY FRIES
25. ROSY HARVEST
26. DEEP FRIED CHICKEN
27. BROWNED CHICKEN FRICASSEE
28. BRUNSWICK STEW
29. HORSERADISH SAUCE
30. WITH MUSHROOMS
31. OVEN FRIED CHICKEN FOR A CROWD
32. OVEN BAKED CHICKEN FOR A CROWD
33. BROILED CHICKEN
34. JELLY GLAZED
35. PAPRIKA BROILED
36. DEVILED
37. GARLIC-OREGANO
38. PARMESAN BROILED CHICKEN
39. CHERRY OR GRAPE SAUCE
40. ROAST CHICKEN
41. TRAVELER'S CHICKEN
42. SOUTHLANDER'S RICE
43. CHICKEN IN THE GARDEN
44. CHICKEN YOGURT
45. SUNNY YAM SKILLET
46. YAM NUGGETS
47. IRISH NUGGETS
48. COUNTRY GARDEN CHICKEN
49. SKILLET SANDWICH
50. TOMATO CHICKETTI
51. SKILLET CHICKEN a la KING
52. SKILLET BARBECUED CHICKEN
53. QUICK BARBECUE SAUCE
54. BELL RINGER
55. CHICKEN LIVERS SAUTE
56. CHICKEN PANCAKES
57. SKILLET CHICKEN HASH
58. CHICKEN FRITTERS
59. SKILLET PIES
60. CHICKEN SAUTE WITH NEW POTATOES
61. CAROLINA CHICKEN
62. COUNTRY KETTLE
63. CHICKEN ROSEMARY
64. CHICKEN SCRAPPLE
65. CHICKEN BRAZILIA
66. CHICKEN-MAC SAUTE
67. CHICKEN LOGS (CROQUETTES)
68. COUNTRY CAPTAIN
69. AUNT SALLY'S SPECIAL
70. GALA CHICKEN NEWBURG
71. SPICED CHICKEN
72. CHICKEN DIVINE
73. LOUISIANA MEDLEY
74. CREOLE CHICKEN GUMBO
75. CHICKEN ROLLETTES
76. CHICKEN JAMBALAYA
77. CHICKEN SALAD - COLD OR HOT
78. CHICKEN DELAWARE
79. CHICKEN PILAF
80. FRIED CHICKEN ORIENTAL
81. FRUITED CHICKEN
82. HONEY-SOY BARBECUE SAUCE
83. EGGS FOO YONG
84. CHICKEN CURRY
85. CHICKEN WALNUT
86. SWEET 'N SOUR CHICKEN
87. NIWATORI SUKIYAKI
88. CHOP SUEY
89. PINEAPPLE SPICED CHICKEN
Variation of this recipe
90. ALOHA ALOHA
91. CHICKEN PAELLA
92. ARROZ CON POLLO
93. CHICKEN TETRAZZINI
94. CHICKEN CACCIATORE
95. CHICKEN CAPERS
96. CHICKEN OREGANO
97. COQ AU VIN
98. CHICKEN MARENGO
99. CHICKEN TARRAGON
100. SESAME FRIED CHICKEN
101. MEXICAN CHICKEN
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